In an earlier post I wrote about how I'm participating in the Moogly 2015 CAL. Every two weeks a new square pattern is released, and by the end of the year you have enough for an afghan! As I committed to doing this project, I started thinking about what I would do with the afghan.
It came to me almost immediately: I knew I wanted to donate the afghans (as I plan to make two) to a local cancer treatment center in honor of my dear friend Mariah, who passed away from the disease last year.
For months, I have been carrying around the sadness and grief that accompanies losing a loved one, and as many people can relate, I have felt so helpless about it. I felt angry that I didn't get to say goodbye. I felt angry that cancer had taken such a bright and beautiful soul. Sometimes my feelings and emotions don't match up with my own spiritual beliefs; and I know that is typical with grief. Grief is raw, pure emotion, and it doesn't follow the lines of logic or even long-held belief. Grief just has to be processed; the only way through it, is through it!
Once I came up with the idea to make these afghans for Mariah, though, I have felt transformed. I feel very excited about this project, and I know she loves the idea. Mariah lived to help others, both human and animal alike, and this project would fill her heart with joy. I am so thankful to have a place to channel my energy and grief, and use it to help someone else. It reminds me of the awesome quote by Aung San Suu Kyi: "If you're feeling helpless, help someone."
I keep catching myself referring to the squares I am making (or plan to make) as "Mariah Squares." So that is what I'm calling them from now on! Each square I make from the Moogly 2015 CAL is going to be a Mariah Square, and they will (eventually) be two awesome Mariah Blankets! I've set up a project page on my Ravelry account to track the Mariah squares I make, and of course I will be documenting them here on my blog as well.
In the meantime, I thought I'd share a few memories of Mariah. She worked as a spiritual counselor and psychic medium, among many other things. She was very committed to helping others, and everyone who met her was touched by her light, her kindness, and her compassion. Her clients so often became her friends because she was so loving, welcoming, and accepting of everyone. Mariah LOVED animals, and had many "fur babies" as she called them. They truly were her babies, and she loved and cared for them as such. She had such a love for life and the natural world. I could go on and on; she really was a remarkable presence on this planet, and I am so grateful to have known her!
She helped me through a lot of crazy times in my life, and also shared a lot of fun moments. One of the best times I had with her was when I was hugely pregnant with me second child. The day before he was born, she and I spent the day together. She gave me my second Usui Reiki attunement that day, and then we spent the rest of the day chatting, having lunch, laughing, and also talking about everything from spirituality to gardening to politics to raising kids. I was having a LOT of contractions that day, and she thought the Reiki may have gotten things going (I went into labor in the wee morning hours of the next day, so I'm thinking she was right!).
Mariah was a very opinionated, fiery woman, filled with passion and purpose. We shared a lot of the same views, and I learned so much from her. I remember another night we spent in the company of my Mom, sister, and some female friends, and we did a Crone ceremony to welcome my mother into her crone years. That night was filled with so much laughter and hilarity; I remember feeling like my face hurt by the time I went home! Mariah knew how to have a good time.
Mariah is still with me, as she is with everyone who knew and loved her. I feel her presence often and she visits me in my dreams. Even though I miss her physical presence, I know she is at peace and no doubt working on behalf of the Light in another realm! Bless you Mariah, I will love you always!